I’ll back up just a moment to add that this request to ask for passion occurred during a time in my life when as I stated earlier, my focus was only on ‘you’ and what ‘you and every other lost soul needed to do.’ Please allow me to say that when you believe with all of your heart that anyone (including yourself ) who is without a saving faith in Jesus Christ will spend their entire eternity in the Lake of Fire as described in the book of Revelation, that it is easy to get so concerned about others that all you want to do is absolutely anything you CAN do to spend the rest of your life warning others about it!

“And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever. And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them. And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.”, Revelation 20:10-17.

But evangelism, as important as it is, is not our greatest commandment. Keeping God number one for our own self is, and THEN, and only then, are we able to reach others with the love of God we are currently enjoying when God is on our thrown. The thrown of our own heart, that is. It can be hard to stay humble when you’re growing in Christ! Growing and changing and experiencing His many blessings! Jesus said if we follow Him, then He will make us fishers of men. I’ve found it too easy to get that mixed up and try to do the leading myself!!! But things don’t go good when I do that! Sharing truth without love is harsh, and according to 1 Cor. 13, it makes it come off as an irritating clanging gong. I think of that as being able to tell what you are saying is true and is right, but how you are sharing is turning me off!!

One man who also struggled with that temptation to warn everyone and their dog about the dangers of hell is Bill Wiese, to whom the Lord gave a short visit to hell. It matches exactly how Christ described that awful place as recorded in Scripture, that place Christ died to save us from. Watch 23 Minutes in Hell on You Tube, or it’s in book form. It is wise to be discerning with visions and dreams and ‘test the spirits’ to make sure they match up with Scripture. He said it took him a while to cool down and let the Lord lead him to whom God knew would listen.

Anyway now, back to me! I took the advice and asked God for more zeal. I thought my feelings for God would just sort of grow. But that’s not how it happened. God orchestrated the events of my life in such a way that my faith was again very much tested! I don’t go into great detail about exactly what happened because I know people are different, and what’s a major life challenge for one person sometimes is easy for others. God knows our frame (Ps. 103:14) and I am always amazed how creative and able He is to put us in just the right circumstance at just the right time! Instead of just giving me ‘feeling’s for Him’, it was as if He used my situation to ask me if I really meant my request. If it really was Him that I loved and how much.

But for me at this time, I was like a fish out of water. The new situation had me flunking the test, which I didn’t recognize at the time as an answer to prayer. I found myself searching for God in new ways I hadn’t done before, just so I could make it. I found lots of verses I had to realize I wasn’t believing, because for sure, I was searching the Good Book anew for myself! My choice of whether I was REALLY going to trust God when the chips were down, was very much… oh so very much on the line.

I actually came to the point of asking the Lord to take me home. I’d made a commitment to never commit suicide, that later in my life at one point I didn’t keep. But this time I was trying to ‘give up’ the right way, or so I thought! That night after going to sleep a severe thunderstorm arose. I awoke from my sleep having no thought of my prior prayer request that day in my mind. The only thing I could think of was that the windows in our vehicle were down. I threw on my robe and rushed outside (where there was LOTS of lightening going on) and I heard the Lord ask me if I really meant it. If I really wanted Him to take me home right then.
I’m not sure if it was natural instinct to not want to be hit by a bolt of lightening or not, but I told God no, that I would rather live. The following Sunday I knew there was a Bible study at the church in the evening. I had never gone, but now I knew that’s where I needed to go and nothing could have stopped me. There were about 10 people there, and the first thing the pastor said was, “The one thing people need most is to know the love God has for them.” Those are the very words my soul needed to hear, just like water on a dry ground.

I eventually connected with a small Bible study group where each of us were struggling with our own issues and the mutual compassion and support of going through those things together is something I don’t think people in the world have any clue about… about just what they are missing out on. There’s nothing like being around others heading up the straight and narrow, encouraging others to continue to keep heading up that more difficult path… you know the one, the path, the choice… the one that leads to life?
This is a time in my life I had to learn to keep the Lord first, and not just hear and know His Word, but learn how learn in new ways how to apply it and do it! to ‘do it’ which is such an easy thing to be blind to! But God can always see, and He’s the one who can help us when we have trouble with that, as hopefully we will let Him! James 1:22 puts it this way, “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”

As I learned to feed on and search out and seek and treasure His truths just to make it, as the greatest necessity of my life. I grew in my appreciation as I was newly convinced how precious the Word of God is. Now I knew why the Psalmist wrote, “I rejoice at Your word, As one who finds great treasure.”, in Psalm 119:162.

2 Timothy 1:14 states, “Guard [with greatest care] and keep unchanged, the treasure [that precious truth] which has been entrusted to you [that is, the good news about salvation through personal faith in Christ Jesus], through [the help of] the Holy Spirit who dwells in us.”

The late Chuck Missler was fond of saying that God has a new way every day to ask us if we trust Him. And it is true, our actions speak louder than words! John 14:15, “If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands”. We might be able to fool others, or even ourselves, but no one will ever fool God!!! I am convinced a lot of people, like me, have no idea on the joy of the Lord they’re missing out on, on a daily basis in life!!! God isn’t just for getting us into heaven, where He wants us to be. He’s also our source of help, while on the way there!

I used to have a devotional time in the morning, at least when I was actually having a devotional time in the morning, but to be honest, it made no impact on my day. When I went through these trials that grew me, my time in the Word became so precious that I didn’t want to put it down and get on with my day. That’s when the verses about abiding in Christ and allowing His Word to abide in you became so real to me. John 8: 31 says, “So Jesus was saying to the Jews who had believed Him, “If you abide in My word [continually obeying My teachings and living in accordance with them, then] you are truly My disciples.” I realized I didn’t have to be close to God during only my devotional time. Thinking about the things I had learned through the day made all of life one big field trip! Things go so much better that way!! I started to hear His still small voice guiding my decisions, for John 10:27 assures us that if we ARE His sheep, we will hear His voice!

There was a day I didn’t know what that was. I assumed only people like Billy Graham could do that. Then I met Terry. She had that kind of relationship with the Lord and it made me hungry to have it. I remember getting real quiet and telling the Lord that I was going to listen now, and if He wanted to tell me anything, I’d love to hear it. Then I heard a gentle, “I love you” in my spirit. I was so excited that at least one time in my life, I actually heard the voice of God for my own self!!!! So later I tried it again. The same words came to my mind, a gentle, “I love you!”. I thought about that for a bit, and wanted to be sure it was Scriptural, just to be testing the spirits as we are told to do. Then a third time I went to the Lord and was quietly listening… a skill I’ve really had to work on… to listen! Yet again, I heard, “I love you”, and half in frustration, I was so disappointed and thought, “When are you ever going to tell me anything else!?” To my utter surprise, He did. I heard the words, “When you believe me, I will!!!”

God knows how to get to the point and speak the truth that we need! All this time I had been a believer, and hadn’t actually trusted He loved me, myself and I too! It’s easier to believe that as John 3:16 so famously says, God loves the WORLD. But to apply and appreciate that on a personal level for our own very self, is quite another thing, and amen!!!! Quite another freeing, and life changing thing!!!